By Gabi Kelley
Hey moms, you don’t have to be perfect. No, really. There’s no need to be spending your time and sanity trying to do everything right...stressing about things like, “Has my kid done enough creative things today? Is she getting too much screen time? Should I feed him a different snack? Am I spending enough time sitting on the floor playing with them? What if they’re not getting enough brain stimulation? Am I reading the right books, disciplining them properly, letting them get away with too much?”
Seriously, we can’t do this to ourselves anymore. Because here’s the deal—what your kids want and need is a happy mommy who loves them. And listen, I know you LOVE your kids, but are you happy? Or are you so bogged down by doing everything right (in parenting and life) that parenting has become a heavy weight you wish you could escape?
Let me tell you this: I will never judge you as a parent. I have been walking through enough hiccups and surprises with things our kids are going through, things our family has had to carry, that my sympathy/empathy/no-judgment level is through the roof. If your kids are angelic and clean and polite, then I celebrate you because you are doing awesome. You’ve been consistent and patient and kind, and you’ve had to work through plenty of things to have this good day with these good kids. And if your kids are having massive meltdowns and screaming their heads off in the middle of a grocery store, and they have chocolate stains all over their shirts, and you give them the iPad to play with just to calm them down, I celebrate you because you’re doing awesome. You’re there and you didn’t run out the door and I’m sure the things you and your kids are facing at home or elsewhere are more challenging than anyone in your life can understand. Regardless, those kids are all gonna grow up remembering that their mommy was with them. On the good days and the bad days, the thing that will stick with them is that you were there. They won’t care if they had salmon or pizza for dinner, they will care if you were present and engaged while they were eating it.
There are enough things in life to cause us stress, let’s not make parenting competition and comparison one of them. Your kids are YOUR kids, and God gave them to YOU—you with your quirks and your temperament and your skills and your sense of humor—and He knew the challenges you would have in your life (both parenting and non-parenting related). He knew the specific special needs your kids would deal with and decided that you (yes, YOU) were the one who would be able to handle them. He knew YOU would be mom to YOUR KIDS.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t follow good advice or throw training our kids out the window. We have to train them, and it will be hard. But doing specific things just because you’re worried about being perfect or not messing up is not the right motivation. Press into Jesus. Trust the grace He has for you today. Believe that He catches all the things that fall through the cracks and rest in the fact that the strength He has given you today is enough for what you and your kids need. So if you don’t get everything done you “needed” to get done, or if your kids watch an extra movie because you just can’t do anymore, it’s ok. You’re ok mama. And you know what? You’re doing awesome and you were made for this.
In fact, one of the very greatest promises in the Bible is this:
I know you’ve heard this verse a million times, that it’s one you can likely recite from memory, but let’s not take it for granted. Go back and read it one more time, slowly, and take it all in.
Seriously, if we can wrap our minds around this verse as moms, the heavy burdens of self-condemnation, competition, and guilt could be greatly lifted off of our shoulders. Because guess what? We have something that super-moms don’t have – God’s power.
Whoa whoa whoa—hold on, slow down. Does this perhaps mean that on those days when you really JUST CAN’T, the days when you KNOW there was a whole list of you completely messed up on or skipped or missed or just threw out the window—the days when your WEAKNESS is prevalent—that God gets to show up in the most special way?!
I think YES. Because those are the days (and the hours and minutes) when you get to fall directly into the outstretched grace arms of Christ and let Him do His thing.
We hang on to control so tightly, we work so hard, we strive and strive to be perfect, to be everything to everyone, but these, in fact, could be the very things holding us (and our kids) back from truly experiencing the power of God.
(Dang girl, this is good stuff!)
If you’re not sold yet, let’s take a look at this same Scripture in The Passion Translation together:
My power finds its full expression through your weakness.
Wow, I don’t know about you, but this brings tears to my eyes and kind of makes me want to fall on my knees and say, “Thank you, Jesus.” This is a beautiful, incredible promise we’ve been given! This is who our Jesus is. The same One whose most painful, most broken moment resulted in the most magnificent glory will do the same in us.
Maybe your apology to your kid after you lost your temper is more powerful and healing for his heart than if you hadn’t lost it at all.
Maybe it’s during those mornings when you turn on cartoons and roll over to go back to sleep that God is healing your soul.
Maybe it’s on the days when you all eat Pop Tarts for dinner because you forgot to go grocery shopping that will make your children feel deeply, intimately loved, because instead of cooking and cleaning, you laughed about the meal and you talked and played and looked each other in the eye, all enjoying the unique togetherness of the “OOPS.”
Maybe it’s those moments with your special-needs child when you are completely at a loss about what to do that God gets to step in to parent your child’s spirit because you’ve had to surrender.
Maybe it’s that season of grief and loss and pain that you’ve had to walk through, making it hard to be engaged as a mom, when the grace and power of Christ are at work in your spirit and the spirits of your kids, making faith roots go down deep. Roots that will sustain each of you in the future, displaying the glory of God in your lives.
Maybe it’s exactly when you DON’T have it all together, when you’re NOT super-mom, when you actually can’t do all the things you’re “supposed” to do for your kids that you get to learn true humility and genuinely experience the incredible, grace-filled power of God flowing in and through your life and onto your kids.
Except I don’t think God would say MAYBE.
I think He’d say DEFINITELY.
He’s a good God; a God of rest, and the true Father of us and our children. So lay down your burdens, reveal to Him your weaknesses, jump into His grace, and watch Him do miracles in your family’s life over the years that you never could have dreamed.