By Brittany Rust
It happens so often I can even pick one example to share. One glimpse into my imperfect attempt to be a perfect wife and mom.
Before having a kid, I'll be honest, I didn't understand why it was so common for marriages to become secondary. I was naive about a lot of things before having a child, haha. I just loved my husband so much I couldn't comprehend the difficulty that could come with expanding the family. Especially since pregnancy brought us closer than we had ever been before.
Bringing a child into the world is one of the most beautiful things and a true gift. But it sure ain't easy to all the things that come afterward for a lifetime.
I make a lot of mistakes as a mom and wife, but one I do real well is parenting my husband. Do you do that, too?! You know, make comments about how you think your husband should do something. Correct how they dress the kiddo or feed the baby. I mean, we all have done this a time or two, am I right? Please say I'm not crazy!
Part of learning to parent and love your spouse well in balance is learning to never parent the spouse. Here are a few ways we could do a little better in this area.
- Take a breath and move on. In other words, let it go. Pick your battles. If it's not a game changing decision or throws your household into a chaotic mess, take a moment to realize it's not worth causing disunity for one snide remark. Take a deep breath and move on.
- Ask questions instead of assuming. Extend some grace. Maybe your husband has had a rough day and just isn't all there. I mean, I've had mom brain more times than I can count and I really appreciate the understanding. Don't just assume your husband had bad intentions to get back at you or didn't care to give it his best.
- Don't assume your way is the only right way. As moms we sometime assume our way is the best way (and only way) to handle a situation because of that motherly instinct and all the research we pour into. But I'll be honest--there were times I wanted to resist the way Ryan wanted to do something and realized he actually had a great idea!
I hope this helps give you a bit of perspective when it comes to being a mom and a wife. I know it's something I certainly need to be reminded of.
Tonight, let your husband know how much you value him as a husband and father. Share with him all the wonderful ways he contributes to the family. And be a little more open-minded about co-parenting with him; showing him respect as a father and resisting the urge to parent him.