By Becky Beresford
Hey there, Momma.
Could you do me a favor? From the depths of your sleep deprived soul, could you tell me how you are doing? No really. How are you? No sugar coating. No fake smiles or half-laughs. I really need to know because it’s been one of those weeks, and I feel myself starting to believe it. I’m starting to think Jesus should have given my littles to another put-together momma. Someone who resembles Mary Poppins and cooks like Rachel Ray. I look around at these flawless moms tackling life and think, “if they only knew.” If they only knew that my hot mess exterior mirrors the messier thoughts inside. And so, dear friend, please be honest. Because my mind knows I’m not alone, but today my heart needs to hear it. Today I need my sisters to tell me they get it. To stand in solidarity, with hands lifted high—coffee in one hand and the Word of truth in the next. I don’t want to pretend things are okay. I want to be real because this need for authentic community outweighs the risk of the unveiling. So, this is my invitation. This is my unmasking. I want you to see my genuine home, a place where the beauty and the broken are combined. A place I welcome you to now.
I’m a momma to three young boys, one of whom has Autism. He is a total joy and gift like the rest of our little men, but so many days I feel like I’m orchestrating a sea of chaos while drowning in self-doubt. I want to communicate with my sweet boy, but sometimes I don’t know how. I want to give him what he needs, but I’m not sure what. I often look at the circumstances in our family and wonder if it’s me. Am I the reason things aren’t more put together? Am I doing it all wrong? My husband was recently diagnosed with Autism as well, so now I am trying to navigate two different, but similar waters simultaneously. Most days I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I try to accommodate the needs of everyone while maintaining my sanity, although this is not guaranteed. Throw in health issues, financial struggles and career moves, and it creates an immaculate storm of overwhelm. These are my ‘just-survive’ days. These are the days that I just can’t even.
When the meltdowns are fierce, and my children are falling apart, it takes everything in me to not plop on the floor next to them and cry collective tears. I feel the weight of the world. Every momma does. We feel the weight of raising children to be functioning adults who can thrive and succeed and love others like Jesus loves us. It is the heaviest and most heavenly honor anyone can have, and sometimes we feel like we’re messing it up completely. When the demands and deadlines and schedules pile up, we can look at ourselves and begin to believe we are not enough for our babies. We feel so less than. We’ve missed the Pinterest perfection mark by a mile and a half. We are undone and outdone. And that is when it happens. In that precious, imperfect moment, our gentle Savior kneels down and joins us on the floor. He meets us in the insecurity and pain. On our hardest days, He knows we can’t see ourselves for who we really are. But HE CAN. And He longs for God’s Daughters to get a sacred glimpse from the throne room above.
When we can’t see past our sins, He sees our sainthood.
When we can’t carry the load, He carries our hearts.
When we can’t heal the pain, He binds all wounds.
When we can’t stop the chaos, He gives us peace.
When we can’t hold it together, He holds our whole world.
When we can’t find the strength, He makes us resilient.
When we can’t do it alone, He reminds us He lives within.
Ladies, we have a calling that is not for the faint of heart. Being a mom requires everything we have and more, and sometimes we feel like we just don’t have anything left to give. But our faithful Father does not leave us to weather the storm alone. He anchors our reality in who He is, not in our “cans” or “cannots”. Our worth has never been based on what we can accomplish, but instead, it is rooted in what He has already done. It’s hard for mommas because we’ve been trained to DO! But when we embrace God’s capacity to cover every detail of our lives in grace, it relieves us from our duty to perform. We don’t have to earn God’s goodness when it’s been given freely. The Bible says,
If that’s the case, then our weaknesses actually lead us into the deepest kind of strength. Our barely-surviving days can do what they are meant to do: highlight God’s unmatched ability, not our inability. Here, the power of shame is taken away and is miraculously exchanged for the power of Jesus…a power that is about His provision, not our perfection.
Breathe it in, beautiful one. Take in His kindness and let go of the guilt. Because perfect moms don’t exist, but perfect Love does. And out of all the women in the world He chose YOU to be your baby’s first love. Not Miss Poppins, not Rachel. You. Just as you are. Hand-picked from heaven to hold your child’s heart.
We are covered, Mommas. Our whole lives through. Especially on the days when we just can’t even.