The Bone-Dried Mama

By Shannon Toller (Guest Mom Blogger)

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I feel God calling me to talk to you about mommin' today. After all, I am a mommy blogger. I should be talkin' about mommin' on a regular basis. But, here I am, trying to spread the Gospel through my writing and my little mommy blog, and I am forgetting about the most important ministry in my life: the one I created myself.

Today, I need to remind myself that I am doing God's work. Because at this very moment, I'm juggling two crying (one colicky, one teething) babies. Derryn is at my grandma's for the day, because some days, juggling three kids makes me feel like the mad elephant in the circus. I get angry, and I yell. I turn Hulk-green and this Proverbs 31 mama turns into Tupac real quick. Motherhood has tested me and stretched me, in more ways than one. It has brought me some of my deepest and truest joys but has also dealt me some horrible awful along with it. I had PPD (Post-Partum Depression) with all of my ladies, and every time got worse and worse. Some days, I find myself asking God (sometimes cursing God), "why did You think I could do this? Why did You give me three girls who are carbon copies of me, and not all of those copies are good? Shouldn't you have fixed me before You made me a mama?"

The answer to that last question is where we are going to camp. NO, God didn't need to "fix me" prior to becoming a mama. And God didn't need to "fix you" before you became a mama. Fix is a relative term, anyway. Fix implies that something is broken. Fix implies that you need to make whatever it is that is broken, better. Maybe sometimes to "fix something" is to replace something; get a brand spankin' new version of something that is still working and still kicking. But, let what I am about to tell you sink in: apart from God, ALL OF US are broken, yet completely irreplaceable, in His eyes.

We will stumble and fall in this life. Jesus promises us this. But, we will stumble and fall a lot less with Jesus by our side. He will be there to carry us when we can't take another step. He will come alongside us and be our strength. He will shield us from the enemy and keep us safe in His arms. Apart from Him, we can do nothing, y'all. Absolutely nothing. But with Him, oh! Think of what we can do with Him. Think of all of the things He yearns to do with you!

Jesus longs to help you with the dishes. He wants us to sing songs of praise to Him while giving the kids bubble baths. He craves the laughter that we draw out when we get on the floor and play with our kiddos. He loves us and rejoices in what we rejoice in. And He created each of us, completely different from one another, yet alike in so many ways. I'm sure I'm not the only mama who hides in her bathroom. (Can I get an amen?!) I'm sure I'm not the only one who wonders if I'm doing a "good enough" job. I'm entirely sure that I am not the only mama in the world who goes for weeks on empty, while the rest of the household coasts on full. We pour into our husbands, into our babies, into our homes. Sometimes, most times for me, we are pouring from a bone-dry cup. How convenient that our Savior is Living Water. Are you thirsty? Come and drink and never thirst again, He says. Free refills from our Fearless Leader: can't beat that.

Mama, I see you. I see you in your struggle. I see you raising up little arrows in your quiver. I honor you and pray for you daily. Think back to that life-changing day when you locked eyes with your sweet babe for the first time. Think of how your heart grew exponentially in that moment. Give God the glory for your babies, and praise Him with your babies too. Help them to know Whose they are, and more importantly, let them see where you get your strength from. Fill their cups with the Living Water that overflows from your cup. Your work is not done in vain; Jesus sees you and He loves you.

I do, too.